Wednesday, September 3, 2008

the stone wall people

I have been accused of not being an emotional person. Those of you who know me best are laughing at the understatement. In fact, the only time I seem to get emotional is when my back goes out and I am forced to take some pain medicine. I recall many times when the staff at Desert Sky would ask me “are you on pain meds” after paying them a complement.

In talking with our secretary yesterday, we talked about what makes someone act like I do. Perhaps it’s baggage from the past. My home life wasn’t bad, but my dad was a pretty typical father of a young man, telling me to suck it up. I usually did. In middle school, I was picked on a lot. I hid my emotions, my anger and my fear. Later in college, my parents got sick, were sick for 2 years and then died. I just did what my dad had always told me to do, I sucked it up.

So here I am, in my early 30s, about as emotionally expressive as my coffee cup. What I want to share with you this morning is the internal cry from a stoic (not the heretic kind, just an unemotional guy). I do hurt. The last few days I have missed my parents. Collin and Kaylee both celebrated birthdays recently, and I wish they could be here. I wish they could come to visit me and see my family. I am sad about loss in my life, parts of my own heart that have been broken. I don’t tell you all enough, I don’t share it enough. This is my one shot at being emotionally open. I envy many of you who can share and show emotion. I haven’t cried in close to 10 years, with the exception of 2 or 3 tears at Tate Lynch’s funeral.

So I write that to ask this. Pray for me and those you know like me. Often we are hurting inside and don’t know how or have the words to express it. I think we are all hurting at some level, so remember to pray for everyone. We all have hurts.

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