The Hematoma Saga Continues

If you have been on my facebook page at all, you know I am entering the third week of a hematoma, a pocket or clot of blood under the skin. At first it was a painful knot. Then the bruising started and the swelling and it currently looks like my foot, ankle and leg has been beaten repeatedly.  It drives me crazy because of the length of time. I can handle pain and swelling if it goes away. This won't, and there is a specific reason it bothers me.

Being Mother's day, this story has some extra meaning for me today. It was Dec of 1996 when my mom slipped and thought she pulled her hamstring. It became swollen and sore and she stayed off it. The swelling, bruising and pain wouldn't go away and after 3 months, they began some more thorough investigation. It was April of 1997 when my mom was diagnosed with cancer. Seven months later, my dad was diagnosed with cancer and three years later the died.

Now I am not saying my hematoma is really a cancerous spot. It's true that I have had 6 family members fight cancer.  The fact that my friend and family doctor Thor Swanson is having chemo isn't real comforting either (especially since they removed part of his leg). I don't think I have cancer, I think I have a nasty hematoma, but it does get you thinking. Your life may be shorter than you anticipated. You may think you get 80 years and wind up with half that. My mother was 47. I am 11 years from being the same age she was when she died. Time is gonna go by fast, it always does. Do what you gotta do, cause it may be gone tomorrow.

The Ultimate Revelation of God about Himself

Do you know the Hebrew name of God? It's Yahweh. This is basically the "to be" verb in Hebrew twice. I am, I am. Exodus 3:14, God gives us the greatest self-revelation there is, I Am who I Am.  He says I Am. Do you get it, let this truth wash over you, God just is. None of us can say that. There was a time when I was not, and I had a beginning. There was a time I was a child, there was a time I was a teen, there was a time I was. . .  There will be a time when I'm retired (I hope) there will be a time that I'm a grandfather, there will be a time I'm dead and gone. I have was, is and will be. I'm subject and at the mercy of time, I change.

God IS. He just completely and absolutely is, without changing, without beginning, without end. God doesn't know or see or understand anything more or less today than He did one million years ago. God is never surprised, never shocked. God never looks forward at backwards because He IS. He is in this moment, and in the moment past and the moment to come and for God, there is no break. I can only be now, then is over and I haven't arrived as soon yet. When I do, now will be then and I can't go back. I am subject to time, it has authority. God is not, time has no authority over Him, He can be then and now and soon all at once. He is in this moment and the moment He revealed Himself to Moses and every other moment because He is infinite, He is eternal, He is absolute, He IS.

Does the reality of our God make your brain hurt? We are trapped inside time and we can't even fathom what it's like outside of time. It blows our mind to even try to fathom this reality. It's amazing to know we are protected and watched over by a God who is timeless, all powerful, a God who just IS.

My desire for you. Yes you!

If you are reading this, I have a single, focused desire for your life. I have an agenda with everyone, that you have a love and passion for God in your life that is second to nothing. That you love God more than you love anyone or anything. Jesus said:

"If anyone comes to me and does not hate his own father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters, yes, and even his own life, he cannot be my disciple." Luke 14:26

That verse is hard, but the reality is we must be willing to give up anyone or anything for Christ, even our lives. This doesn't happen by being religious, by being legalistic, by going to church or by having the will power. This happens by the Holy Spirit fanning a flame in your heart until it engulfs your entire being. You will be willing to toss aside everything for Christ. Even those you love the most will pale in comparison to Christ.

The result will be you love deeper, live better, laugh more and experience joy richer. Real life come from Christ, real joy comes from Christ. If you look for joy or completion or happiness in a person other than Christ, you will suffer. If your love for Christ is not far greater than your love for anyone or anything else, you will be incomplete.

Like I said, you can't work for or earn this, but you can ask for it. Pray for a love of Christ than engulfs your life. I pray for it in your life. I pray that you are so consumed that you burn and ignite those around you. I pray you have love, life, joy and peace. I pray for you because I love you and want you to feel real love.

The Dire Threat to Marriage

There is lots of talk today about the state of marriage and the fear it's being eroded and destroyed.  The fight between advocates of same gender marriage and those who support traditional marriage are at war. Under all of these headlines, there is a threat to marriage that is invading, has come in under the radar, and we don't discuss it.

When I was in my 20s, all my friends were getting married. Now, in my 30s, my friends are splitting up, getting divorced, starting new families. It's like someone yelled "switch" and we all run for new partners. I don't want to make light how incredibly painful this is on people, children, families and homes, because people are hurting. Marriages are coming unravelled all around, the devil is winning in the quest to destroy marriage.

I don't want to turn this into a discussion about the current marriage fight in this country, because the reality is marriage and the home has been attacked for decades by the enemy of the family. The family is weak, the church, government, country are all weak. We need to reclaim the home, the family, but not through politics, laws and amendments.

First, we need community. A couple needs people they can talk too. People mess up, affairs happen, abuse happens, financial crisis happens, disease and death, all these things tear people apart. They need a support group they can lean on and turn too. They need help and support from their friends, older and wiser people, and the church. They need prayer and encouragement.

We need to be taught ho to forgive. In too many situations, I'm sorry doesn't mean a lot. You must forgive your spouse when they fail, when they mess up. Couples can recover from betrayal and hurt if they are willing to work through the process of forgiveness.  We have to teach our kids to forgive, how to love without condition and make family work.

Finally, love each and treat each other like they deserve love. Treat each other with respect, with tenderness, treat them like they are your spouse. Give honor and support to one another. Care for each other and love them like you love yourself.

If we will put work and effort into our marriage, then we can begin to turn the tide of marriage's destruction. We can begin to shore up the foundation of our country, churches and community. We need to care for one another, support one another and pray for one another. We need to cry out to God and admit, we are in trouble.

What Am I Learning?

We have been in a place for around 9 months where you are making less than we need to really get things done.  We have done everything we can, Elaine and I both work 2 jobs, but there just isn't a big opportunity for someone with my skill set and educational experience.  I have tried for some chaplain jobs, but I am trained and educated for educational ministry.  The Non-profit has sorta hit a standstill, between the lack of jobs and the funds required to get all the stuff filed.  We look at a pile of bills, knowing there is no way to pay them all, try to get some sleep and get up to and go to work somewhere.  I don't believe for one second that my current situation is an accident. God is refining us, moving us in a specific direction.  My heart burns to plant a house church someday.  I am longing to launch this non-profit and help people live out their ministry desires, help students start Christian Clubs on campus, help people have Bible Studies where they live and work.  My heart burns to serve God in those areas, but God has me working outside those areas.  I love my jobs, but there is always more month than money.

I don't think God is incapable of meeting my financial needs.  I think God is letting us struggle for a purpose, for a reason and to be more conformed into the image of Christ.  For the three years of His ministry, Christ was homeless, telling His followers that foxes have holes and the birds have nets, but He had no place to lay down and take a nap (Matt 8:20 and Luke 9:58).  Jesus had need, and we don't know if and when He went without, but I know He took a couple of fish and some bread and made it go a long way.  I could do without bread and fish, but if he could multiply my tank of gas, that would make me very happy.  Like the widow who's oil never ran out, I could use a gas tank that never runs dray.

So, I am learning humility, dependence and strengthening my faith in this whole experience.  I don't know what I am learning, I don't have a great summary statement about what God is doing. I have worked to turn over anger and bitterness for where I am, tried to learn humility as best I can as kids 20 years younger than I am tell me what to do and my new title is "kid".  I have learned that I have no ability to fix or take care of anything on my own.  I can work had, work long, get degrees and experience and apply and be a self starter and a go getting, but my effort will never be enough.  Let me phrase that the different.  I am incapable of making life work on my own.  The idea of the self made man is a myth, and in one sense the President it right, you didn't build that.  God built it and entrusted you with the stills to manage.  If He saw it fit, it would all be done in a moment, just ask Job.  God is the master building, He owns it all and you are the steward of it.  Be thankful for what you have, and learn what He is teaching you when you are without.  That is what I am trying to do.

Humility and learning it's lessons

Jesus gave a list of blessings in the Beattitudes, and I think lately I am filling a few.  A lot has happened over the last 8 months.  I had worked towards a goal of serving in a church, filling the role of Pastor of Education.  I had that role in a couple churches, and I felt like I was where I was suppose to be.  It was hard, I struggled in some areas, I had strengths and weaknesses and I was keenly aware of my weaknesses.  I went to school, I learned, I went to conferences, I had mentors and coaches, I real magazines, books and blogs.  I tried to learn from the best, but it wasn't enough.  One day it ended like a gun shot.  It was just over, no fanfare, no memorial, not even a goodbye, it was just over.

I did what any man would do in that situation, I found another job.  I am actually working two right now, times are hard.  I enjoy my jobs, they are not my calling or my passion, but I enjoy what I do, but it's a struggle.  I work outside my field, I am trained to be a pastor, an educator and I am, to put it bluntly, a nobody.  I am the bottom of the totem pole, I am the "kid".  I went from Pastor to kid in the blink of an eye. I don't mind being bossed around, told what to do, but in the part time evening job, I am being told what to do by 20 year olds.  I struggle sometimes because I have pride, I have a BA, and MA and more leadership training that this kid has high school credits, yet here I am.  Humbled.

I wonder if Paul felt this way.  Training to be a leader, a Pharisee with the best training.  He becomes a believer and a missionary.  He goes to Athens and preaches, they laugh at him and he leaves and goes to Corinth and makes tents.  I am sure he enjoyed the work, but he was doing miracles, preaching about Christ, starting churches, and now he is making tents.  He tells the Corinthians about a thorn in his flesh, possibly his blindness or the fact he was stuck making tents.  Whatever it was, it kept him humble.  I don't have a thorn so much, but I have been made humble.  I am a nobody with a blog who gets to write.  Sure, I have good friends, an amazing wife and awesome children.  My life is great, but I never thought I would be where I have found myself.  I will try to keep my chin up, knowing this is working for my good to make me more like Christ.  I am striving to do ministry where I am, investing in the people around me.  Tonight, I was able to share some things that I learned with a young man who is feeling the calling on his life.  God has blessed me where I am and I am thankful, but sometimes I miss what I had.

In Ministry

As I am getting older,  there are some things in modern American Churchianity that I am rejecting. Today's item to toss out is the idea of being in or not being in or involved in Ministry. I am not rejected the idea of people being in ministry, I am tossing the idea out of a Christian being a Christian and not doing ministry.

First off, let's talk about ministry. This doesn't mean you have a title, position or a job description at your church. Ministry means there is something in your life that you invested in for the spiritual and eternal benefit or someone else. Everything from preaching and teaching to giving someone a cup of cold water in the name of Christ. Helping people, serving people, sharing with people are all areas of Ministry.

First thing we need to toss out is the idea that someone can be a Christian and be a complete consumer. If you don't invest yourself in anyone, ever, something in wrong. There may be a season you are a bit below the radar, but you are still praying and encouraging others, right? If you are doing nothing for anyone else, better search your heart. Something is very broken?

Second, less toss out the idea that you have to serve in your church for it to be valid. The best place to do ministry is probably in your local church, and they need you, but ministry will often be outside. Hopefully your church recognises the needs to train, equip and release people for ministry. Often your ministry will be at your work, home, school or other places you spend time. These are the places Jesus calls you to be. 

The key thing is to find your ministry focus, your calling. Maybe it's your family, raising kids or taking care of aging parents. Maybe it's to coworkers, neighbors or friends. You may be called to help with kids, teach in Sunday School or serve as a deacon. Plant your life in that ministry, let God tend your vine and produce a harvest. If you are not serving, not producing a harvest, maybe you need to make sure you are connected to the vine.