Thursday, January 22, 2009

I struggle

Yes, I struggle. I struggle with control issues. I struggle with motivation sometimes. I struggle with frustration. I struggle with the idea that I'm not good enough, I'm not productive enough. Every day on my drive home, I think about the things I accomplished that day, and if my list is too short, I struggle with being upset with myself. If I don't get things done, if I haven't done what I know I should. I have been upset with myself for a week or two because I can't sleep at night and have a hard time getting up in the morning to get things done and help my wife. I'm stuck in a self-imposed performance trap.

I have tried so hard to be the perfect husband, the perfect father, the perfect associate pastor, the perfect friend, and for some reason I can't seem to stop mentally torturing myself when I fail to hit the mark. So I am admitting it cause admitting it is half the battle, and so you can pray for me. I guess there are worse struggles, I'm not a sociopath or anything. Well, not yet. You can pray that I can learn how to relax a little.

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