Confession- Bitterness

Sometimes at night I lay awake and thing about my life, and I realized the other night I still have some bitterness about things that have happened.  Growing up, I was unpopular.  I am not sure how it when it happened that I became the picked on one.  I was never real competitive  never real athletic and never in the popular crowd.  I can't tell when it happened or why it happened, but my the time I was in 7th grade, I was officially a nerd.  I was picked on, harassed  teased and bullied most of my middle and early high school years.  Even in my group of friends, I was often the butt of the joke.  I was teased and pushed and harassed most of my middle school and much of my high school time, until I was a junior.  I have never been the best, not really the worst, always someplace in the middle.  In the middle of the band, in the middle of the pack, in the middle of the rankings.

I had several people who hurt me in significant ways as I have grown and into my adult life.  I have done my best to forgive them and try to move on, but I realized the other day that I am still harboring a great deal of bitterness and anger.  The only fist fight I was ever in (and lost) I wish I could do back, because I could have won but I quit before it was over.  May times I was wronged and I didn't stand up for myself.  There are many people who I wish I could broadcast how they hurt me to get revenge.  It's wrong and I need to get over it.

The problem with bitterness is that it's sneeky.  It's hard to get rid of, sometimes you don't even know it's there.  Things that are long sense gone are still down in my soul, and even writing about them right now I get a sick feeling in my gut.  Remembering the things in my past that hurt, they cause me to have pain, and letting go of that pain is not easy.

We serve a God who loves us no matter what, but we live in a world that is very conditional.  Our jobs are based on performance, our grades, our ranking, our awards.  We reward success and we celebrate achievement, but none of us are good at everything, so we are often in the middle and sometimes in the bottom.  We have been hurt by being not good enough, or sometimes just good enough but not excellent.  Are you hurt today by being just good enough?

I have begun to really pray about my damaged heart and my soul that is hiding the pockets of bitterness.  There is no easy way to get rid of it, no quit solution.  Confession, repentance, prayer and deliberate forgiveness begin the process, but it's slow going.  I know it will be worth it in the end, I just have to make it to the end.

Getting a Shot in the Head

A Review- A Shot of Faith (To the Head)

I am not a huge fan of apologetics most of the time.  I love apologetics, don't get me wrong, but I don't often use it.  I don't believe that people can be argued to faith.  This book, however, I really enjoyed.  Partially because it appeals to that part of me that is nerdy and loves to think about these issues.  The other part, however, is that there is much use in helping young believers understand the truth behind the myriad of garbage spewed by the cranky atheist.

There is so much being published about "proof" coming from science that is totally unprovable.  This book takes a great hard time about the lack of science in the modern atheist who claims to use science.  It is great for a Christian who is struggling with faith in this age that seems to shoot holes in the concepts of Creationism, Theism and the Supernatural.

This is an easy and enjoyable read and a great book.  I enjoyed it, check it out.  I don't recommend a lot of books on apologetics, but check this one out, it's a good read!

The House Church- The Beginning

Well Elaine and I are going to plant a house church, and it's a glorious and nerve wracking experience at the same time.  The basic plan is this:

Begin the house church with a small group.  From 10:30-11, time for the kids.  All the kids and adults are together, an adult tells the story, some of the other adults help and engage and help the kids.  This goes until 11:00 and the kids go to another area to work on a project or a craft.  At this point, the adults will begin Bible Study and worship time.  A leader or a couple will lead off in the teaching time and having time for prayer requests and sharing.  After the Bible Study, there will be a lunch and a time of meal and sharing together.

As this group grows, we will pray about the individual or couple to become the next house church leader.  After some one on one time with the existing house church leader for some training and sharing, a new house church will be formed.  The process begins all over again, new group with the similar structure, adding more and more churches in the network.

Once a month, all the churches in the network will meet together for a copperplate time of worship.  The network will also partner for mission projects, in missions giving and support.  Each home church is led by an Elder, and those Elders meet together once a week to discuss, have prayer and support one another.

This is the vision that Elaine and I feel like God has given us.  Right now, we are praying and seeking God, talking to the kids and what will happen and getting the house put together (new place, we've moved)  I hope you will join us in prayer as we begin this new adventure.

Theology in Real Life

I won't lie, I like theology.  I like to talk about theology and read about theology and think about theology, I find thinking and learning and focusing on the nature, person and majesty of God is amazing.  I think that theological work is a form of worship, but the real question is how does your theology play out in real life.

I have a secular job these days, I sit in an open cube type area with some other folks close by.  Some of them have faith in common with me, many of them do not.  I can debate about Calvinism or Traditionalism all day long, but what I see is such a weaving together of the power of God.  God has placed me in a situation that I can share the Word.  The Holy Spirit works in that, God's sovereignty that works with my actions to do something amazing.  His power working through us, His body.

It's amazing how God weaves everything together, putting me in a place that I can share His love through choices that I thought I made.  It's theology that I live out every day as I am part of God's plan.

Pray with me

As you probably know, I am in some transition with my job. I am still called to be a pastor, and still pursuing that calling, but the source of my income has changed. I am currently working for a call center, and really trying to do my best. I have struggled some because of my dyslexia, keeping all the processes straight, serial numbers and codes. That has been a challenge, but it's been a pretty good job. I have applied for a job that I see a million benefits with, I have sent in my resume and I am asking that you join me in praying for God's favor with this job.

It's a position with the School District that they would train me to do that would have great benefits in having to bless local churches. It would be a job that would be putting together my talents and passions and it would help increase my salary to a level we are above water again.

I am pleading with God to open this door. I know that if it's in God's will, but I see the example of pleading for God's favor with David, Elijah, Moses, Isaiah. The concept of prayer and fasting, and the parable of the persistent widow. Please plead with the Lord on my behalf as I seek His favor in this.

That you all so much for your prayers and love and grace. Every day I am learning more about what it means to be a true part of the family of God, the Body of Christ, and willing to be humble.

In Him,
Dan

Wanna Help Out?

So most of my friends and readers know what has been going on, but I want to step back and take a brief historical look.  We had a house in Arizona, and we were going to sell it and use the equity to pay off the debt I got in school.  The bubble popped, we short sold.  Moved to Iowa and to make a long story short, we are close to getting the debt settled but the recent job change has moved us from the black to the red.  I am working, but making a lot less, and we are stretched thin.  The Bible said that believers supplied for others who had need, but how do I expect anyone to know we have need if we never say anything about having need?

I am going to put this on Facebook so you can all see and read it, I know not all of my friends see my timeline and not all of my friends who see my timeline read my blog, but I want to throw it out there, just to say if you want to help, you can and I want to make it simple and use some tools, here is a paypal link.

If you feel called to help, that would be appreciated, if you don't, then no worries.  We know God will provide, I just want to do what I feel like I should do, be humble and share my need.  Thanks everyone.

Trust, or lack thereof.

Do you trust someone?  Maybe a better question is, do you trust anyone?  We say "of course, I trust my best friend" or "I trust my spouse" and those who are more spiritual like to say "I trust God".  In reality, however, we often don't trust anyone, including God or spouse, our pastor or ourselves.  Trust is a hard thing these days because let's be honest.  We are pretty selfish and self-centered for the most part.  When someone does something that isn't for our immediate benefit, or if they do something that isn't the way we think it should be done, something lets us down we struggle to trust them.

This becomes a problem because trust is an integral part of faith.  How do we live out our trust in God in an every day basis?  Do we trust Him with our families or our children?  If we do, we would live our lives based on the Biblical principles and not the latest books or studies.  Do we trust Him with our money?  If we did, we would trust the Biblical Principles for money and not the latest advice or trends. If we trusted God with our marriage, we would do what He said to do in our marriages.

It's ironic how we call something trust, but in reality we are doing what we think is right.  In reality, we are trusting ourselves and our ideas, sense of work, ethics, etc.  Even in ministry, as we seek to follow God, we do so even in ways that make sense to us.  When is the last time we were willing to just trust and follow what the Bible teaches, even when it doesn't make sense or seems counter-intuitive.  Maybe we need to re-learn to trust.