Saturday, April 6, 2013

What Am I Learning?

We have been in a place for around 9 months where you are making less than we need to really get things done.  We have done everything we can, Elaine and I both work 2 jobs, but there just isn't a big opportunity for someone with my skill set and educational experience.  I have tried for some chaplain jobs, but I am trained and educated for educational ministry.  The Non-profit has sorta hit a standstill, between the lack of jobs and the funds required to get all the stuff filed.  We look at a pile of bills, knowing there is no way to pay them all, try to get some sleep and get up to and go to work somewhere.  I don't believe for one second that my current situation is an accident. God is refining us, moving us in a specific direction.  My heart burns to plant a house church someday.  I am longing to launch this non-profit and help people live out their ministry desires, help students start Christian Clubs on campus, help people have Bible Studies where they live and work.  My heart burns to serve God in those areas, but God has me working outside those areas.  I love my jobs, but there is always more month than money.

I don't think God is incapable of meeting my financial needs.  I think God is letting us struggle for a purpose, for a reason and to be more conformed into the image of Christ.  For the three years of His ministry, Christ was homeless, telling His followers that foxes have holes and the birds have nets, but He had no place to lay down and take a nap (Matt 8:20 and Luke 9:58).  Jesus had need, and we don't know if and when He went without, but I know He took a couple of fish and some bread and made it go a long way.  I could do without bread and fish, but if he could multiply my tank of gas, that would make me very happy.  Like the widow who's oil never ran out, I could use a gas tank that never runs dray.

So, I am learning humility, dependence and strengthening my faith in this whole experience.  I don't know what I am learning, I don't have a great summary statement about what God is doing. I have worked to turn over anger and bitterness for where I am, tried to learn humility as best I can as kids 20 years younger than I am tell me what to do and my new title is "kid".  I have learned that I have no ability to fix or take care of anything on my own.  I can work had, work long, get degrees and experience and apply and be a self starter and a go getting, but my effort will never be enough.  Let me phrase that the different.  I am incapable of making life work on my own.  The idea of the self made man is a myth, and in one sense the President it right, you didn't build that.  God built it and entrusted you with the stills to manage.  If He saw it fit, it would all be done in a moment, just ask Job.  God is the master building, He owns it all and you are the steward of it.  Be thankful for what you have, and learn what He is teaching you when you are without.  That is what I am trying to do.

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