In my life I have seen incredible things happen and see God move. I have had God provide for us in a way that we called a miracle, but to my recollection, every miracle we have seen has been an act of providence. Don't get me wrong, it was no less of a miracle and we are grateful. We have been at the end of the line and God has provided in amazing ways, but they have all been acts of providence. Things showing up at the right time for the right amount from different sources, things that could be a coincidence, but we know them to be acts of providence.
Where I struggle lately is my strong desire to see something that is purely supernatural. Maybe I am part of a wicked generation that seeks a sign, but I want to see God do something that cannot be explained as coincidence. I have heard about and know people who have received healing and incredible recoveries that had to be a miracle. An amazing man of God and a pastor I served with had his wife experience an amazing healing at the hands of a man they believe to be an angel. A friend was healed from her RA through a miracle, and she has been there when a man's heart was healed. I have read and heard stories, seen the reports and I believe that God heals. I believe that God has all the power and His plan is perfect and He can do anything. I just haven't seen it.
Maybe I'm selfish or have weak faith. Maybe I'm too sinful or too prideful or just not the guy. I have lost my parents to cancer, I have a hole in my esophagus, my daughter can't straighten her arm due to an injury. I have seen my fair share of illness, injury and death but I have yet to experience a healing. I have heard about them and seen them. My friend died in the ER while we prayed in the other room. My youngest has had 5 surgeries, he was always protected and came through them all great, but never has been healed by a miracle. I want to experience God's healing presence, in my daughter's arm most of all. I want to see Him do something that only He can do. I have prayed with her and for her, and had others pray over her. The elders prayed over her and we are longing for a healing. I know God can do it, I have no doubt that God could make that arm fall off and a new one grow in it's place if He so willed. My struggle is, why doesn't He desire to bring healing into my life. Into her life?
I praise God for His sustaining power in my life, and His care for us. I praise Him for His acts of providence that got us through times like this, when we are flat broke and praying there is enough to get us by. He provided each time we were in need, but I yearn to see something different. I want to see His awesome healing power at work, for Him to do something no one can explain. I guess I just don't understand why He wont.
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