Thursday, February 17, 2011

Update on my status

Thank you all for praying for me over this winter season. I think most of you know that my doctor has diagnosed me with dystemic disorder, an emotional disorder that induces chronic depression. Apparently it doesn't take a whole lot of stress to cause a laps of endorphines and neurotransmitters to cause me depression. I have had some stress, being an Associate Pastor with three small children in this economy and the condition of our nation is stressful.
This winter has been hard on me. I find myself in the cycle of depression, anger and incapacity. I find myself unable to do something, and I get so angry at myself for not being able to do it. I tell myself I need to just get over it, to just push through it. The more pressure I put on myself, the more incapacitated I become and I get more and more angry. I push myself harder just to feel more and more defeated.
My doctor has recently upped my anti-depressant to help me kick this cycle. I am thinking about asking him to change me from the one I am on to the one I was on in Arizona that helped me recover from the depression that hit me so hard there. I am not sure why God has chosen to give me this burdon, I pray often that He will take it from me, but it doesn't seem to be going away. Thank you all for your prayers and encouragement during this time in my life. I love my family, my church and my friends, and I want you to know that my desire is to be more supportive and active. I know many of you have had to deal with my meloncholy. I have been reading some works of Charles Spurgeon that he wrote about his struggles. This season won't last forever, thank you all for your love and compassion.

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