Like most individuals, I spend time on Facebook. I really like Facebook Marketplace, but I am on some sites for local news and information. On those local sites, I have found a great many of them are dedicated to people just being hateful to each other. It seems to be the default these days on social media, to insult and be hateful to one another. It is just how people respond and communicate these days. It can be pretty toxic, and I have often wondered why people are so quick to be hateful.
I spend my time in two very specific circles, the classes I teach and the church I Pastor. There is some good-natured roasting in my classes, but the kids all seem to generally like each other and get along. I don't allow cruelty in my classroom. Most of my students are good-natured, and there isn't much of an issue most days. There is the occasional conflict that we solve pretty quickly. We laugh more than anything.
At church, of course, there is very little hatefulness. Where I currently pastor, we all get along very well, and conflict is almost non-existent. This isn't the case in every church, but we are fortunate. Our church genuinely cares about one another, and there is healthy cooperation and communication. At church, we definitely don't assume the worst in people, and there is no venomous hatred like we see on Facebook.
When I find myself outside of my typical areas, I have seen excessive hatred. Sometimes you see it in the retail world, with people being angry about not getting their way. You sometimes see it in restaurants or other places in the public square. You see it constantly on social media. It seems to be a place where anger and hostility boil over, and individuals have no restraint. The only place you see the same level of hostility is when people are driving. Go too slow, too fast, or wait too long at a stop sign, and you will see what I mean. Put people behind the wheel of a car, and Dr. Jekyll is quickly replaced with Mr. Hyde. Why are people so angry? I have a few thoughts.
First is the obvious: people are unhappy with their lives. In our consumer-driven, self-focused society, people are angry. People want more than they have, want to be comfortable and happy, and never bothered or inconvenienced. Those things are impossible to have all of the time. They are disappointed in their wages, the cost of living, taxes, the government, the weather, and anything else that seems to cause a problem. People no longer know how to deal with disappointment, with hardship, with not getting their way, so they are angry and unhappy. People feel victimized and targeted all the time, and if they spend time on social media, they probably are. People are treated badly by others, so they are unhappy. In today's society, people are miserable because they have no idea how not to be.
Contentment is a skill; it is something you learn. No person will ever be completely satisfied; there are some things outside of your control. No matter how much money you have, no matter how successful or famous you are, you can't save yourself from heartbreak and disappointment. It is going to happen and the things and stuff will not bring comfort. Sitting on a pile of money will not mend a broken heart. Bottom line, the most successful people still lose sometimes, even the healthiest people die, and nothing can save a person from hurt. We have stopped teaching how to deal with adversity. We have tried to help everyone have good self-esteem and self-image, but we created a community full of narcissists who feel like they should never have to struggle. The result is anger and the constant battle cry of "this isn't fair" when in reality, struggle and pain are the only fair things, because they are the only things that come on all of us.
In addition to people not knowing how to deal with adversity, people have become extremely selfish. I call this the selfie generation. When I was growing up, I only saw myself when I was standing in front of a mirror. Most cameras had to get film developed, unless you had one of the instant cameras. We didn't stare at ourselves, and filters didn't exist. Today, many people spend a lot of time looking at themselves, taking selfies with filters on. They are constantly airbrushed like a magazine model, and they have become quite full of themselves. People feel like they are the best, should have the best, and are the most important. Selfishness is at an all-time high. The selfie generation loves itself a little too much.
Finally, and maybe most importantly, people are not naturally kind. Kindness and politeness have to be taught. Toddlers do not share instinctively; they have to be taught. People must be taught to be kind, and it is a skill that is taught less and less today. Parents who are unkind raise children who are unkind. Hateful people spread hate to others. Our society does not value kindness, goodness, gentleness unless it is in other people. Many people expect others to treat them well and with respect, but they refuse to reciprocate. Everyone has expectations that they will be treated better than they treat others, and it is not difficult to see the end result. Disrespectful people are not respected, and lash out and act badly. The disrespect breeds disrespect, and the cycle continues. The golden rule has become antique, obsolete, and neglected, and the result is a self-centered and hate-filled society.
The answer is simple, but very difficult. Be kind to people who are unkind. Show respect to the disrespectful. Give compassion and grace. It will require you to be abused, to be treated unfairly, and for you to not get your way. It will be hurtful and difficult, and you will feel like you are being walked on. The only way society will change is to have people strong enough to handle it. Weak people lash out in anger and hatred; strong people withstand the storm. Our society has become emotionally weak, egos are fragile, and people are broken. Strong people are required, and strength is built and earned; it is not given. We have to become strong to stem the tide of hatred that is threatening to devour our country.
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