As I begin, you need to know something about me. I'm a nobody. I have no status or position. The church I'm currently a member of won't let me do anything. Almost 20 years of ministry experience, a seminary degree and I have volunteered for almost everything, and do nothing. The last church I was on staff at said I wasn't cut out to be a pastor. I wasn't tough enough, strong enough, and I probably should have gone through Basic Training to learn how to be a real man. I am currently a teacher at a small school in rural Iowa. I have no position. I have written books that no one reads, the fact that you are even reading my blog is pretty amazing. I'm a nobody. The fact I would be calling for a reformation is pretty laughable since it's pretty clear no one really cares much about what I think.
I do have the unique position of being a fixture in the local church almost all of my life. I began serving on committees at the age of 16. I had my first employment at a church at 18. I was a pastor at 23, served as a pastor, youth pastors, associate pastor, college missionary, I've led worship (which was bad) and oversaw the installation of an educational building. I've done a lot.....
but
I'm an introvert. I struggle with depression. I never played football or baseball or hockey. I never served in the military. I don't yell or get really emotional. I question convention, I'm abstract, I don't always follow the status quo. I think if it's in the Bible, we should do it, but we need to actually study the Bible and not expect people to follow Jewish rules that fit our social ideology but ignore the ones that don't (tattoos and mixed fabrics). I can be stubborn, and I don't like to lose an argument. Moreover, I'm not dark and handsome (I'm sort of tall) and I don't have a voice that draws people in. I have the kind of face people can say "no" too. All things considered, I guess I don't have what it takes to be a Pastor in our modern church culture. I am willing to admit, my call for reformation may come out of the fact that I've been beaten up by the local church. Maybe it's just me being upset, or maybe the fact that anyone is beaten up by the local church is the problem.
When I was serving in Arizona (with a great pastor who has similar struggles), I was fortunate to run a coffee house church that was in the evenings that had a specific goal. Provide a place for post-church people. These are people with a church background who left the church, because the church hurt them. There are lots of these people. Lots. What is worse than the fact the church is churning these people out by the truckloads is the church refuses to take any responsibility.
The church is the manifest, incarnational representation of Jesus on the earth at this moment. If someone is seeking God, we tell them to go to church. At church, we are told that the people are the church, that the church is the body of Christ, the ambassadors of Jesus, the hands and feet. The church represents God. Then, the people in the church, the body, the hands, and feet, do something hateful and hurtful to someone. They are cruel and mean spirited. The person leaves the church, and the people of the church say "if you leave because of the people, you weren't really here for God". If they were at the church for God, but not the people, we would have another monastic movement (people becoming monks and living alone). I don't need a room full of people to find God, and the way the church talks about the people they damage is arrogant.
I know, I know, your church is loving, right? I'm sure most of the churches believe they are, but did you know that restaurant wait staff hate working Sunday lunch? Do you know why? They say people coming from church are rude, impatient, entitled and lousy tippers. They say things like "I refuse to give God 10% and a waiter 15%". It's not isolated, and it's one of the big reasons that the church is shrinking. Outsiders hate the church, the people inside and their attitudes. People who use to be at church every week now can't set foot. They have anxiety.
Remember that I said I have depression? I don't have anxiety, but lately, at church, I have anxiety. It has been incredibly difficult for me not to feel like I have been rejected by God. Maybe I have, maybe I am like King Saul and God has rejected me. The churches I have been active at in the city where I now live have told me I can't serve. I can sit there, be quiet and listen, but that is all. I'm not good enough to use all the things I spent my late teens, 20s and 30s learning, developing and growing. I'm not good enough to serve God in the local church. I'm not alone. A friend of mine who left a denomination he felt was not Biblically faithful came to our church. He was smart, he was articulate, and he had some issues with some things. He wanted to see a new reformation too, and he pointed out people in the church who were not following the teachings of the Bible. Needless to say, it wasn't long before he was no longer at church. I'll let you do the math.
Let's be honest, the church in America has become about the church. Members of the church want to be happy and comfortable and not change anything. There are jokes all over the internet about churches who refuse to change. It's only funny 'cause it's true. I was part of a church that did a "reboot". It's pretty ironic if I reboot my computer, it turns off and then turns back on exactly the same way it was before. It doesn't change or upgrade because of a reboot. It just turns off and starts back up again, exactly the same. Sure, we have added some new tech toys, but the church doesn't change. It pretty much looks the same as it did in the time of Jesus when the Pharisees ran it.
Now, I'm sure that several people, if they really read this far, are pretty annoyed. I'm sure I'll get called weak and soft and I need to suck it up, be a company man or a team player or a good soldier. It's nothing new, I've heard it all before. Like I said, I've been systematically rejected, and I'm a nobody. There are lots of nobodies like me who don't want to attend your churches anymore. We aren't impressed with your bands, your covers of the latest Christian songs from Klove. We don't need your trendy sermons. If I wanted good music and a powerful sermon, I have the entire internet at my disposal. I don't need good content. I have good content everywhere I look. I have books, podcasts, radio stations, smartphone apps. I need to be connected, and when you amputated me, then expected me to stay in proximity to the body and expect me to live. . . . . I think you get the idea. It's no wonder I'm feeling rotten. I don't want to go to church. I wanted to be the church, but I wasn't good enough for you. If the modern American church wants to change that, there are plenty of us who will be waiting.
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