Monday, April 20, 2009

Struggle with self

I prayed a few months ago, and pray close to daily that God would change me and make me more life Him. To bring me in line with Him, my thoughts inline with His, my beliefs and theology more in line with His. I don't say that to convince you I am right theologically, because I, in all intellectually honest, have to admit that I am not now nor ever will be God. I do not possess divine intellect and the ability to think of the level of God. I tell you about this prayer because I'm changing.

Change stinks. It was much easier before. I'll admit it, I have struggled a lot with what God is doing. First and foremost is my recognition of the idol of self. I have it bad. The things I do for God, the way I am working, my life, my ministry, me me me, mine mine mine, I I I. It goes on and on. I have realized how much time I spend in my Christian life keeping God at arm's length. I think we all do in our American society. We celebrate the self-made man. There is no room for the God-made man. We work hard, work from sun up to sun down, and no one gives us anything, we work for it. Those are our values and they are all contrary to Christian doctrine.

I am having a hard time de-programing myself. I read and study and write and teach and work and achieve and I naturally want to take the credit. It's not mine, it's not about me. I work hard to find joy in Christ. I study to find joy in Christ. I bring glory to Christ. The only thing that matters in me is Christ. If I do something great, it's not me, it's Christ. Paul said "for I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I love by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself up for me". Galations 2:20. I am dead, and dead men do nothing. Christ lives in me, and He does all things.

So here I am, struggling with my own idol of self, my flesh rejoicing in itself, and Christ being paticent with me. He deserves all the credit, all the glory, all the praise and honor. " Oh wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death? Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord!" Romans 7:24-25. Pray for me on this journey, as I pray for you upon yours!

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