The Quiet Soul Killer; Dealing with Bitterness

Have you been hurt?  If you haven't been hurt, then you are probably in a vegetative state and can't be reading my blog.  Either that, or you are a hermit that been raised by wolves.  Whatever the case, if you are in any sort of relationship with people, you've been emotionally hurt.  Even those of us with limited emotional facilities have, can and will be hurt.  It's just a part of life and part of being in relationship.  Most of the time we get over it.  Things are sorted out, we apologize or others apologize to us.  Things usually get fixed and relationships are mended and restored.  Not always.

Sometimes things happen that cause bigger hurts.  These fester and amount to what we could call an emotional infection.  Bitterness takes root and it's very difficult to get rid of.  We dwell, we stew and the infection begins to kill our soul.  It's not something that people see, and if we silently dwell then no one will know the anguish that we hide.  The bitterness eats us from the inside out and causes more damage than we can imagine.  Relationships with others begin to suffer, trust erodes and the door is open to anger, hate, rage and all sorts of negative emotions.

There is no pill that will get rid of the disease of bitterness, but there is treatment.  The first is confession and admitting you have bitterness in your soul.  I know I have this sickness in my soul and I have spent years hiding it.  It will take time for it to be cleared out, but it will never go away if we don't acknowledge it's there.  It's easier sometimes to just deny the hurt and try to forget, but we have to deal with it.  There is no way to treat the illness until we admit we are sick.  It's at that point we begin to take the most powerful medicine, prayer.  We pray for God to heal the bitterness and to heal the hurt and damaged emotions.  We should also ask others to pray with us and for us.

Some will say that you need to resolve the issue, but I am going to politely disagree.  Some issues are not resolvable.  If you have a problem with someone who has passed away, there is no resolution.  You may have issues with someone who you can't speak with.  They may make the issue worse or continue to hurt you.  You may have tried to resolve the issue and it blew up in your face.  The reality there are plenty of sociopathic people around.  You can't reason with them, you shouldn't argue with them, and confrontation will only make the issue worse.  Bitterness is your issue, not theirs.  You have to find a way to let it go.  It's a big step, a huge task and a major undertaking.  There are people that I would rather back my truck over that forgive, but God is calling me to forgive them.  Most of the time in these situations, the person feels justified in hurting you.  They blame you, you blame them, and it's an issue.  Chances are, you have conflicting personalities and different views on life.  I'm an abstract and there are some who are so concrete that I want to just take a jackhammer too them.  I can't do it, and neither should you.

In the end, we have to live with ourselves.  Even if the person who hurts us is a family member, we still have to find a way to sleep at night.  Scripture tells us that as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.  Find a way to have peace with them, sometimes that means just smiling and being polite.  Pray for the person, make a commitment to love that person.  It's not easy or fun, but it might just save your soul.  Find someone who encourages you and share your struggles (don't bash the person, but share how you are hurt and ask for prayer).  Remember, emotions are like stray dogs, if you feed them, they follow you home.  If you stop feeding them, eventually they go away.

Admit the bitterness, prayer and peace.  It's hard to make peace with someone who hurt you, it's harder to make peace with yourself.  Let's be real for a second, the reason it hurt is because whatever it was hit a little close to home.  If someone says something, does something and hurts you, it hurts because of the way it makes you feel about yourself.  You feel bad, wrong, dumb, dirty, unwanted and unloved.  You are angry at the person, but part of the anger and bitterness is directed at yourself.  We have to find a way to make peace with ourselves, to believe God is who He says He is, and we are who He says we are.  We have to love ourselves to love others.  God loves us and cares for us, and we have to find a way to accept that.  Find a way to lay down and go to sleep at night without the pain in your soul.  There is no easy way to do this, no short cut, no magical formula.  Talk to people, get spiritual guidance from a pastor, elder or mature Believer.  Be in small group, pray, read your Bible and trust God.  It's a long, slow and steady process, but you'll get there.  It's a long road, a hard journey and it will take time and energy.  It will all be worth it in the end.  You are not on this road alone.

The Danger of Popular Theology: The Slippery Road to Heresy

There was a man named Arius who proposed a theological idea that seemed to catch on pretty well.  So well in fact that is became the theology of the Emperor and many in the Universities.  The theology simply stated that Jesus was a created being and was not equal or coequal with God.  It took away the original divinity of Christ, making Him less that God.  We scoff at this idea in Modern Evangelicalism, but we were all pretty close to being Arians today, if not for a few men who stood up and said "no".  Men like Athanasius of Alexander stood in opposition.

Even with men fighting Arianism, it was denounced as heresy, then made a come back and had to be denounced again.  It seems that when men in powerful positions hold to a theology, it becomes harder to get rid of.  Today, we have the wide proliferation of communication, and theological ideas come and go, they are here and there and everywhere.  If you have an idea, chances are you can find a "scholar" or "expert" who agrees with you and has written something to give you some traction.  No matter what your particular pet issue is, there will be someone to agrees with you.  This isn't a new thing, the proliferation of ideas, biblical and non biblical have been around as long as the Scriptures.  As long as the Church has existed it's fought against heresy.  The question is, today who is fighting heresy?

In our day, it seems that everyone and no one are taking up the fight.  Everyone has their position, defending against everyone else.  There seems little to no consensus to what constitutes Orthodoxy.  It seems that everyone claims to be orthodox, based on popularity or history or shear numbers.  In the end, are any of us holding to real orthodoxy?  This was much of my motivation to begin this journey called Woven Theology.  In the end, it may be exactly the same as a dozen theological views, but I didn't want to find the opinion of scholars or experts, it's getting hard to find who to trust.  I will review their work, read opinions and hear out the opposition.  I will use every resource to my disposal, based firmly on scripture as I read and study and pray.

I'm not saying that I'm infallible, but I want to do my best to learn as much from as many as I can and arrive at truth.  I want to speak what is true about God and I am most concerned with knowing Him more.  I don't want to begin to slip into heresy because it makes sense to a logical human mind, because it's popular, because it's been around for a long time, or because important people believe it.  I want a theology that is true to scripture and God's revelation of Himself.  I hope that you'll join me in resisting heresy where ever it appears and hold fast to the truth.

Providence and Supernatural

In my life I have seen incredible things happen and see God move.  I have had God provide for us in a way that we called a miracle, but to my recollection, every miracle we have seen has been an act of providence.  Don't get me wrong, it was no less of a miracle and we are grateful.  We have been at the end of the line and God has provided in amazing ways, but they have all been acts of providence.  Things showing up at the right time for the right amount from different sources, things that could be a coincidence, but we know them to be acts of providence.

Where I struggle lately is my strong desire to see something that is purely supernatural.  Maybe I am part of a wicked generation that seeks a sign, but I want to see God do something that cannot be explained as coincidence.  I have heard about and know people who have received healing and incredible recoveries that had to be a miracle.  An amazing man of God and a pastor I served with had his wife experience an amazing healing at the hands of a man they believe to be an angel.  A friend was healed from her RA through a miracle, and she has been there when a man's heart was healed.  I have read and heard stories, seen the reports and I believe that God heals.  I believe that God has all the power and His plan is perfect and He can do anything.  I just haven't seen it.

Maybe I'm selfish or have weak faith.  Maybe I'm too sinful or too prideful or just not the guy.  I have lost my parents to cancer, I have a hole in my esophagus, my daughter can't straighten her arm due to an injury.  I have seen my fair share of illness, injury and death but I have yet to experience a healing.  I have heard about them and seen them.  My friend died in the ER while we prayed in the other room.  My youngest has had 5 surgeries, he was always protected and came through them all great, but never has been healed by a miracle.  I want to experience God's healing presence, in my daughter's arm most of all.  I want to see Him do something that only He can do.  I have prayed with her and for her, and had others pray over her.  The elders prayed over her and we are longing for a healing.  I know God can do it, I have no doubt that God could make that arm fall off and a new one grow in it's place if He so willed.  My struggle is, why doesn't He desire to bring healing into my life.  Into her life?

I praise God for His sustaining power in my life, and His care for us.  I praise Him for His acts of providence that got us through times like this, when we are flat broke and praying there is enough to get us by.  He provided each time we were in need, but I yearn to see something different.  I want to see His awesome healing power at work, for Him to do something no one can explain.  I guess I just don't understand why He wont.

Note of Appreciation for You

I want to say thank you for being one of my readers.  I have been writing on this blog for about 6 years now and I have enjoyed every post.  Some have been really good, some have been not so good, but every blog has been part of me.  I have enjoyed sharing my thoughts and ideas, unpacking some theology, reviewing books and some movies.  We have shared some deep ideas and truths and joked around a great deal too.  I love having this blog.

I have no plans to stop blogging, I will continue to post here and on some other sites.  I am so thankful for you who read and follow my blog.  Thank you for sharing my blog with others, if you read something that you enjoy, I would ask that you share it with someone.  The great thing about blogs is the ability to dialogue, to leave comments and comment on other's comments.  It's imperfect community but it's community none the less.

Feel free to write me at jdanbarnes@yahoo.com if there are topics or questions you would like me to post about.  I am always open to ideas and suggestions, even some critique if there is something I need to do better.  I am always working to become a better writer and communicator.  It's very important to me to write in a way that is readable and enjoyable.  Thank you again for reading and joining me on this journey!

Why So Serious?

The line "why so serious" was made famous by Heath Ledger's portrayal of the Joker.  I am not advocating being the type of person who just wants to watch the world burn, but there is a little wisdom in the words (just not the context).  We seem to be a world who takes ourselves way too seriously.  The reason, maybe it's because we think we are so worthwhile, but I think often it's the opposite.  Here are some observations I've made about most people as I go through life.

Most people have a fragile sense of self worth, and the harder they advocate they are awesome, the more fragile it really is.  Criticism, negative feedback and even banter will shatter their carefully designed facade.  We take the words of others so seriously and have forgotten what the phrase "a grain of salt" means in dealing with other's opinions.  In reality, most people who are being critical are doing so to save and manage their fragile facade and delicate sense of self worth.  The reality is, we find ourselves comparing everyone to everyone, and then putting ourselves in the mix someplace.  If we can make someone else seem less that ideal, then we can be more ideal.  It's an attempt to level the playing field in a sense.  We want to protect our ego.

Motivation has largely become fear.  There are really two things that motivate, and I plan to write about them in another blog, so I'm not going to give away spoilers.  I will say this, too often we are motivated by fear.  We are afraid of getting hurt, of losing, of being last and being nobody.  We are afraid of getting __________ (fill in the blank with one of the thousand things).  At work, we are afraid of getting fired, yelled at, maybe demoted.  We are afraid of losing our edge in competitive activities, sometimes we are afraid of pain, suffering and of course death.  Some fear is good and some fear is healthy.  It keeps us from doing incredibly stupid things (mostly) and works together with self preservation.  Fear of God is the beginning of Wisdom, so says the scripture.  The issue isn't fear, fear can be an ally, it's the fact that motivation is fear.  When Paul says we have not been given a spirit of fear, he is talking about this very thing.  We should have boldness in approaching the world, because we know Him who runs the show.  We should embrace our passions head on and not be afraid to do what is right, what is honoring to God and what benefits others.  Fear makes us too serious.

We have began to treasure our hurt.  Things like forgiveness and letting go have become outdated.  Now we want revenge, we want vindication and we want the world to know we've been wronged.  I'll admit it, I've struggled myself with this issue.  The advent of social media has given us all an outlet for mass whining.  Yes, I have twhined (twitter + whined.  I just made that up, impressed?).  I have posted hurts on facebook for all to see.  We have taken our hurt and our injustice and made them a platform to the extent we are not sure how to function without it.  Proverbs 19:11 says that good sense makes us slow to become angry and it's good to overlook an offense.  Basically, stop being offended when you don't have to be offended.  We try to be offended so often that we walk around looking for reasons to be mad.  When we find one, we hold onto it and we cherish it.  We have failed to notice the hurt is poisoning our soul.

Solution?  Take a lesson from one of my favorite authors and speakers, Ken Davis.  It's time to Lighten Up and Live.  Take some time to enjoy some relaxation, some humor and some fun.  Do something you really want to that doesn't threaten lawsuits or jail time.  Enjoy the day, smile and laugh with friends and family.  Be nice to people, be friendly.  Try to complement someone and encourage them and be a friend.  Laugh and don't be so serious.

I Don't Think That Word Means What You Think That Word Means.

Every issue has a root cause, and often that root cause boils down to communication, or lack there of.  If you are active in the Southern Baptist Convention, you know there is a big gobildy goo over Calvinism vs Traditionalism.  As I have been involved in the issue and seen it played out, I have come to this conclusion.  As Southern Baptist, we have tried to be inclusive to both sides.  In order to do so, we have been vague in defining terms.  There are a few terms that if we defined definitively as Southern Baptists, it may cause us to be in one camp or another.  If Southern Baptist took an official position on what the definition of several terms, it would include or exclude individuals.  Here are some of the things I think we often define how our theological system allows.

Work.  What is a work?  We know that man is saved by grace, but not by works.  A Calvinist would say that if salvation is dependent upon any of man's effort, that's a work.  A traditionalist would agree, but would say accepting Christ, having faith and seeking God are not works.  If we defined if choosing Christ and accepting forgiveness is a work or not a work, it would draw a sharp divide.

Predestined.  The Bible says in several places that we are predestined, it calls us elect.  What do those words mean?  Does the Bible mean that we are elect, that we are chosen by God to be saved before we make a choice, or does it mean that once we are saved, we are chosen to become like Christ because of the decision we made?  If we set down what the Bible means when it says we are predestined, it would draw a line in the sand.

The world.  There are verses that say Christ died for the sins of the world.  The two places I can think of both say that Christ is the propitiation for the sins of the whole world.  Does that mean every person on the earth, or every nation on the earth?  When we talk about the whole world, what are we talking about?  We disagree on: is the whole world describing nations or individuals ?  When the Bible talks about Jacob and Esau, it that individuals or nations?  If we defined those two items, it would decide if the SBC was moving Calvinist or Traditionalist.

There are other passages that each side claim as "deal makers/breakers" that are defined by the other side differently.  If the SBC defined what they believe on these few passages, it would set up a stone pillar in favor of one side or the other.  So, the question is, what do we do?  We could bring together a task force to study, exegete and pray over these passages, but would it every come to a conclusion?  Not as long as either group is unwilling to admit the possibility they could be wrong.  If we let scripture be our guide, have scripture interpret scripture and then look to help from commentaries, lexicons and experts, where do we end up on these things?  Is accepting Christ a work of man?  What defines a work?  What does the Bible mean when it says we are predestined, or that Christ died for the sins of the whole world?  Did God love Jacob and hate Esau, or is that a metaphor that God chose Israel over Moab?  Is man being a slave to sin a metaphor, or literal?

All these things need to be defined to have a theological base, but I am not sure we as a group can ever come to an understanding to what these words really mean.  They will always be vague and mysterious if we wish to be a convention that has both Calvinists and Traditionalists.

What Would You Die For?

If you look around, you will see that in many subtle ways our culture is becoming more hostile to the Christian faith.  The West has grown more open to Eastern religion (which is ironic, because Christianity started in the Middle East).  It has begun to embrace religious views that are more inclusive.  The Muslim faith is gaining more power in the United States as well, leaving little room for Christianity.  The Christian viewpoint is far from being erased, and we are in little danger of persecution beyond some inconveniences.  Sure, the Freedom From Religion group doesn't like us, but we are pretty much free to practice as we'd like.

What about around the world?  Women are being disfigured and even killed for Christian views, like the woman who is sentenced to be hung in Sudan for leaving the Islamic faith and becoming a Christian.  While others trying to convince her to renounce Christ, she would rather give her life than turn her back on Christ.

What about us?  In the average American church, if men walked in armed with guns and said they would kill everyone who doesn't denounce Christ, what would you do?  I sit in church with my wife and three kids who I love more than my life.  If they told me to denounce Christ, to give up my faith and throw away my Bible, or they would kill my children, what would I do?  Christians face these sorts of struggles in other parts of the world, hiding from the authorities so they can worship.

Would you die to have your Bible?  Would you die for the freedom to pray, to share Christ and to worship?  It's easy to say "yes" when we are in the safety of the United States.  It may not always be this way.  Those things we feel are so necessary like our church buildings, our paid pastor, our worship team, what if they were all gone?  When it becomes illegal to have a Bible, will you hide yours?  I pray my children never have to face that, but if that day comes, I pray they will have a faith worth dying for.